Wanderlust has become a word at which more “serious” people roll their eyes. In a world filled #Wanderlust, the word has seemingly become this term that has very little meaning anymore. I’ve heard plenty of people mocking those who use or identify with the term

But if you look past the posts and over usage and consider it’s true meaning, you might see a person or situation in a different light.

Ever since I could remember I felt like I was supposed to be somewhere else. I longed for adventures and exploration. I yearn to be elsewhere. So much so that I never feel quite settled in wherever I live. I’ve always got an eye out for some place that would be better suited, some place that will make me feel at home finally.

Honestly, if I didn’t have so much stuff, coupled with a heavy serving of anxiety, I’d likely never sit still. I’d be on the road or in a plane just trying to explore new places, cultures, and languages.

Part of me dreams of that life in a way that will always make me carry a small token of sadness with me.

A Heart Full of Wanderlust and a Head Full of Anxiety

…wanderlust, to me, always felt like an itch in the middle of your back that you can’t quite reach on your own, but you always try.

You see, although I was born with a heart filled with adventure and excitement, I was also born with a neurodivergent head holding all of the deadly possibilities of any given situation.

After thirty something years of dealing with anxiety, on most occasions, it’s merely a buzzing sound in my head, but when my soul gets the adventurous feeling of wanderlust, there tends to be a large battle between brain and heart.

Previously, wanderlust, to me, always felt like an itch in the middle of your back that you can’t quite reach on your own, but you always try. It was a gnawing feeling that made me want to hop on a plane and buy a house in another country. It was the feeling of being unsettled and of my cup being just a little under filled, but then, it became something more for me.

Wanderlust’s Role in Healing

2017-2022 were incredibly tough years for me. Though there were many bright spots, I had fallen into an unhealthy space that was continually repeating. It got to the point where I was experiencing regular panic attacks and even points of deep depression.

The wanderlust was dimmed but so too was my joy. I was just floating through life. Every now and again, I’d feel that old familiar itch and excitedly plan a trip. But inevitably after the trip, the weight would descend, and I’d feel less like myself again.

It became that the only time I felt like “me” was when I was planning or going on a trip. In those moments, I no longer felt alone. I didn’t feel like an outcast in my own life, and I felt a little brighter and lighter each trip I took.

Finding Myself

It was during my birthday trip in 2022, when several friends gathered with me in Savannah, GA, that I realized I had to make a change in my life or I was going to fall into some place I wasn’t sure I’d be able to come back from.

It was my first vacation since the pandemic, and it was extremely needed. For the first time in about a year and a half, I felt like I had the strength to continue on and change my life.

In 2023, I spent the majority of the year working hard on my mental and emotional state. It was incredibly difficult, but I knew it was a necessary step in my journey through life. Now, I feel happy again. I feel more like myself. I take joy in the small things and celebrate each achievement, no matter how big or small.

After coming out of the fog I was in, I realized that I need to start letting wanderlust take ahold of me a little more but in a more structured and healthy way that would allow my brain to stop worrying and let my heart soar with excitement.

So, if you’ve ever found scoffing at someone for discussing wanderlust, pause for a minute and consider if wanderlust could be one of the reasons they got through some of their toughest times. Because for me, wanderlust brought joy when little else did.

Balancing Anxiety and Adventure

When I was younger, anxiety would often dictate my entire life. I would actively choose not to do things that I really wanted to do and wanted to experience because I would feel anxious about doing it.

As I get older, I try to balance my two halves a bit better. If my anxiety is flaring up, I listen to it and consider its points before moving forward, but I always try to address it now, rather than pushing it aside or pushing it down.

With my most recent decision to hike the Coast to Coast trail in the UK, I’m pushing myself past the fear and working toward building a space where I can find more adventure in my life.

Tips I use to work through my anxiety:

• Get therapy. First and foremost, talk to a professional. I spent years without a therapist and only got one after I started having panic attacks. There was a lot to work through after that moment. So, I encourage people to find a therapist and just do constant upkeep on your wellbeing before you feel like you need it. It’s another tool in your tool belt to help you work through any obstacles in life.
• Name what’s worrying me. If I can pinpoint what is causing the anxiety, I can oftentimes address it in a healthy way. For example, I get anxious about flying, as many people do. So, I’ve armed myself with understanding of flight safety and statistics. The more I understand the situation, the more likely I am to deescalate my anxiety.
• Find another way to approach the activity. In different scenarios, there might be less triggering ways to experience or do what you want. For me, on trips, I won’t create an itinerary, but I do gather information and options. That way if one activity is causing too much anxiety, I can approach it in a different way. For example, if I want to go out on the water, I have options of boats, kayaks, canoes, etc. and the option of what types of water: ocean, lake, river, or even hot tubs.
• Be aware of the situation. Find what your triggers are and monitor things that might trigger them. For example, one of my triggers is severe storms (that’s what I get for growing up in the South). So, when I know I’m going to be making travel or outdoor plans, I keep an eye on the weather to make sure I know what to expect.
• Feel the anxiety and do it anyway. Sometimes, no matter what the facts, reason, logic, etc. say, I can’t shake that nagging anxious feeling, so I have to decide to just push through and do it anyway. It can be a struggle, but if you take it slowly and openly work through what you’re feeling, you can make it through it!
• Build healthy and supportive friendships. I cannot say enough about having a group of friends who you can talk to about anything and everything. Listen and share equally. It’s not about dumping your anxiety on them, but making them aware and feeling comfortable enough to say, “I know we made plans but my anxiety is through the roof about them. Can we adjust?” As with any friendship, there is give and take, and through honesty and openness, you can continue to build healthy relationships with others.

So, as we part, I leave you with wishes of hope and joy. Whatever part of your journey that you’re on, I hope that you stay true to and honest with yourself. I hope you visit places of which you’ve always dreamed. Let’s enjoy our journeys together!